• T. Evette Hill

Let’s sip about suicide, shall we...


 There are a lot of things that you just don’t talk about and suicide just happens to be one of them. Especially in the black community and we really have to put into this. we’re losing people left and right all because people are afraid to come out about their truth. And the truth is something isn’t right within themselves.  And that something is this something that can’t just be prayed away, it isn’t something that can be turned on and off, it isn’t something that can be wished away, it isn’t something that you can just sit back and wait to disappear.  Depression is something that you have to see someone about and something that sometimes you may have to take medication for in there’s nothing wrong with that. 

 Depression is a chemical imbalance and that is what people have got to understand it’s not an issue within that person, is not something that they can control, it is a chemical imbalance in the brain.  Here comes the transparency; I’ve battled depression ever since I was very young. I didn’t begin to get treatment until I was an adult.  I didn’t completely understand what depression was as a child and as a teen, I was one of those people who  kind of felt like I could just pray the sadness away, you know God would fix it and if I was blessed with so many things why am I so sad?  I began to feel like going to get help and admitting that something was wrong and possibly getting treatment in the form of a pill would be me giving up on my faith, and see that wasn’t an option for me back then, Psalm 55:22...I KNEW He had me. So, I continued to suffer in silence like so many others.

 Now, while my faith my faith kept me from seeking treatment it did save me from suicide attempts. Let’s go back further.  Yes my depression started in their young gauge and may have been 8-10 when it started.  This is so hard to put out there because I’ve been having only one person knows it that but I used to contemplate suicide so much at that age and maybe 100 times, maybe. What actually saved me was my younger cousin Kelvin, who was just a baby....if you follow me on social media you’ve seen he and I go back-and-forth about the Cowboys and the Steelers or me spoiling “Scandal” or “Black-ish” or other TV shows I may have spoiled for him.  He was my first “baby” you know I have nieces and nephews now but it but he was my first.  It was the thought of my grandmother or his mother having to explain to him where I was that would mess me up and keep me from doing it;  how do you explain that to a two or three year old? How?!  My latest harmful thoughts were just a month or two ago. I couldn't shake the feeling and either my depression or my anxiety or both decided it was time to play, but I knew what the trigger was and fixed that. Suicide wasn't the desire but it was just as bad it could have resulted in the end of my life. All this time I'm planning events, having brunches, making posts, going to meetings, making sure everybody else is good, posting selfies, and no one had a clue. 

Really quickly, do I think what Kate Spade did was a selfish act, yes. Yes it was very selfish act for her to do what she did and to leave the note that she left for her daughter especially because she is such a high-profile celebrity and knowing it would get out into the public so her daughter would see it.  BUT  that does not mean she was in her right state of mind when the acts took place. Let me repeat that, yes it was a selfish act but it does not mean she was in her right state of mind when it took place.  Anthony Bourdain, his suicide was like so many others, like Kate, unexpected.  But unlike Kate, we are all still lost and confused as to why he took his own life. Robin Williams said "All it takes is a beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul and they will never notice how broken you really are." The sad truth, unfortunately.  

 If you or anyone you know needs help please use the resources below

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention -1-888-333-2377

The Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255

Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) - 240-485-1001

#suicide #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety

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